The F Word

I am in a funk. There's just a general malaise - I guess I could call it depression, but it doesn't quite feel like that heavy. It is more like a general dissatisfaction with my life. I know I should be grateful for all I have, and that there are people in the world without caring families, friends, food and shelter and disease-free bodies. But sometimes a girl just gets down. I haven't wanted to focus on weight loss, I haven't wanted to cook anything spectacular, or socialize very much - which is very strange for me. I think I'm coming down from the high of having my husband return and the reunited bliss that ensued (lots of eating and snuggling) and then reality comes back in the form of trying to get into a new routine. I learned while my hubby was gone for 3 weeks that a) I really enjoy taking care of him, and b) that I want to spend more time at home with him and c) We watch too much TV. But I also want to exercise, and get out of the ding dang 220s already! (222.2 this morning, for reporting sake). But the effort to make both of these happen is not coming easily to me.

I have avoided posting anything here - and I am hesitant to publish this. It's not effective, interesting or insightful. It is just where I'm at. Here are some positives:

• I have exercised two days in a row, and will again tonight
• I have made a nutritious lunch and dinner for myself this week
• I went shopping and got some cute new outfits
• I have a beautiful pedicure
• The sun is out!

I think I've lost my steam - it is not a struggle to do anything, but I am not excited about what I'm doing. I hope in the coming days I am able to shake myself out of these doldrums. Because really, it is ridiculous - I have so much potential.

HYC Check In

This morning showed a modest loss - only .4 - which proves that for my body, walking an hour a day just isn't cutting it. My hubby returns home tonight, and I don't know who is more excited, me or the dog! Next week I'll be able to resume a regular gym schedule, which is necessary and good.

I wasn't very successful in my exercise goal of doing some arm exercises this week - I have this old lady hip pain that surfaces whenever I do a lot of walking. This week was agonizing, and I was stretching and icing, and taking ibuprofen when I needed to. Which led to staying off my feet after walking each evening. So I'm grateful that I've been able to basically maintain by watching my calories. That Daily Plate is such a blessing! Hope everyone else had a successful week!

HYC Check In

This morning my scale said L o - alas, I don't think its talking about me. I think it means low battery. Which is fine with me, since this is my TOM weigh in - I'd rather not see that higher number today!

This weekend was delightful - I was able to be distracted from feeling lonely because my dearest friend and her hubby and baby were in town from Chicago. Making googly faces at a 15 month old, and walking around the zoo were far more fun than wishing my husband was home. Hooray! My food choices were not the best - but I walked and walked and walked every day - and even made it to the gym on Saturday. I am definitely feeling like I've got a handle on my eating, despite taking a detour through Dick's. I know exactly what I ate, and made sure to make my other meals as good for me as possible. I had the strangest phenomenon - in the TMI department - this is the first menstrual cycle that I've had in months where I didn't want to eat 16 pounds of sugar every day. I can't tell if it is because I'm eating less sugar in general, so maybe less sugar in, less sugar craved, or something else? Whatever made me sugar free is fabulous so I hope I figure it out!

This week I want to focus on doing more arm exercises at home, even though I'm unable to hit the gym, being on puppy duty. I can do more, that's for sure.

Back next week with fresh batteries and a real weigh in.

What I'm Eating, and What I'm Not

I cannot eat oatmeal for breakfast any more. I am putting my foot down. I know it is high in fiber, I know it is cholesterol lowering, I know it is filling and mostly delicious. But not even with applesauce, with raisins, with dried apricots, nor with nuts, can I enjoy it anymore. I even considered making it in a savory fashion with soy sauce and green onion, like a Chinese pancake, as I read about here but alas, we’ve been together every weekday morning for about 8 months now, and I’m done. I think what I’ll miss the most is that nothing is cheaper for breakfast than steel cut oatmeal, bought in bulk, and cooked with apples that I chop myself. I am now spending my mornings with the high falutin' and very expensive fresh blueberries and yogurt. They are a creamy, tart, and sweet dynamic duo! Antioxidants, fiber, protein and calcium, not too shabby on the nutrition front. I cannot stress how important it is for me to enjoy what I’m eating. I cannot eat purely for fuel. I want to eat the best fuel I can, but it also has to appeal to my palate. Has anyone else broken up with a healthy food because they were simply tired of it?

I haven’t posted a recipe in a while, so here’s what I ate for lunch this week. Because I loves me the fiber, that I am now missing from my oatmeal, I am having delicious black bean and sweet potato cakes for lunch this week. With lime sour cream. They are awesome, cheap, easy and I would make them again in a heartbeat.

Black bean and sweet potato cakes

2 TBS vegetable or olive oil
1 cup dried beans, cooked according to directions or 2 14.5 oz cans, rinsed and drained
1 medium sweet potato, scrubbed and grated – about 2 cups
½ cup rolled oats (quick cooking is fine)
1 onion, chopped
6 cloves garlic, chopped
1 egg, beaten
1 TBS chili powder
2 tsp cumin
salt
pepper

Lime Sour Cream

½ cup sour cream
Juice of half of one lime
Salt

Mix everything together, add more lime juice as necessary.

Set the oven to broil. Spray a broiler pan with non-stick spray.

Heat oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Saute onions until soft, about 5 minutes. Add sweet potato shreds, and cook for 2 minutes more. Add garlic and seasoning, cook for 1 more minute, then remove from heat. In a large bowl, mash up your black beans a little, leaving them mostly whole. Stir in the potato mixture, oatmeal and add salt and pepper to taste. Allow the mixture to cool a bit before you add the egg. Stirring will help. When it is not so hot that it will cook all the egg, pour the egg in, and mix well with your hands. Shape into 7 patties – they are gonna be a little messy, just move them nice and gently to the broiler pan. Spray them with cooking spray, and place in the oven. Broil for about 7 minutes, and then gently, gently turn them over to cook the other side.

Serve hot with a dollop of sour cream, and fresh cilantro. Delicious! I estimate these to be about 250 calories a pop. I have a salad on the side, and a happy tummy. I made this according how I like it - but the original recipe that inspired me was on Allrecipes.com - but it has a lot more spice than I can normally handle. And I made one less cake, because I wanted bigger ones for lunch.

Happy weekend!

HYC Check In

I have so much to say - and not enough time or determination to sit down and write it out! I was pleased to see a loss of 1.4 to 222.6 this week - yahoo!

My exercise has been wonky - my husband had to leave town, and now I feel guilty about being at the gym, when my dog is at home pining away for his favorite person in the whole world, his daddy - for I am a poor substitute. So we're taking lots of walks, good for him, and good for me. But my heart rate is not getting where it should be.

Mr. Black will be gone for 3 weeks (wah!), and it is not so much fun for me - more on that later. Let's focus on my NSV. I met a friend for dinner and a movie and we ended up at The Cheesecake Factory. I wanted to have a cheeseburger and fries. With bacon, probably. I ordered the grilled eggplant, roasted red pepper and mozzarella sandwich, with a salad. And it was lovely. I had one french fry off my friend's plate - and was surprised that they weren't that great. I always build up foods to where I am yearning for them then discover I wonder what the heck all the fuss was about! We shared a slice of cheesecake, and did not even finish it. Good job, Sara! Entering my meals into The Daily Plate before I eat them is really helping me stay on course. Now to get my exercise up - and keep the calories down.

HYC Check In

Getting on the scale with my eyes squinched shut and fingers crossed, breath held (oh no, wait, that probably adds a few ounces, yes?) and then I hear the beep-beep that signals the weight is recorded, and holy macaroni, this morning I saw 224 - that's a 2.2 pound loss. I jumped for joy! (I now know that my last weigh in of 231, was a holiday weekend bloat.) I was truly surprised - as I had been hovering around 225 all weekend - and then I ate potato chips and ice cream in the SAME DAY! I swear riding the bicycle the night before a weigh in is what is giving me such good results. Actually, it's ME who is giving me such good results. I can treat my body well, or I can over-feed it and not move it enough, and gain weight. 'Tis always the way.


I am reading Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe by Fannie Flagg right now (delightful, by the way) and there is a character named Evelyn who is overweight and hates it (if you saw the movie, it was Kathy Bates' character). She joins Weight Watchers, and there is a passage describing how she has been perfect for 9 days, she feels tall and thin, graceful, powerful and in control, and will never eat anything ever again unless it is crisp and fresh. Funny to realize that this is a universal feeling. I always think it is just me - reaching that euphoric feeling of success when I do what I think I should it has been true for ages. When we push ourselves and work hard and meet our goals - especially health goals - it is the most empowering feeling in the world. I must sustain this momentum, I never want to see 230 again.

Oh, and I didn't even tell you about San Francisco. It was fabulous, of course. Lots of walking, talking, eating and laughter. We went to a really nice dinner Saturday night - and the highlights of the meal were a goat cheese fondue appetizer, and a make your own s'more dessert, where there is a bowl of melted chocolate and a bowl of warm melty marshmallows. Oof. Not the healthiest, but I straightened up on Sunday. And, drum roll, please - I worked out before work! Miracle! Not a really long work out, but exercise, nonetheless. And I had a little moment at the water for my Dad. A lovely weekend. I am glad to be staying put at home for the summer - I've had enough airports for a while. No more traveling until November, thank goodness. Back to work, now! Hope everyone had a successful week!

Frisco Fun!

I had another great day yesterday. Went outside of my calorie limits, (pot luck at work) but I was really careful with portions, pushed myself at Pilates, and then walked the dog. Good job!

A fantastic weekend looms ahead of me - another work trip, and this time I'm heading to San Francisco! And basically I am like can'twaitcantwaitcantwaitOMGcantwait. I am soooo excited about this trip because I haven't been there in years. Sadly, Mr. Black can't join me, but my brother is coming up to meet me. Two crazy siblings painting the town red! Or, maybe recession orange. I'm so looking forward to a some little brother time. Time to laugh until we pee. Awesome. I'll help stimulate California's economy without trying to sniff out and glare at all the Proposition 8 supporters and the court justices who made an error this week. Ahem. Moving on, I also want to take a moment to pause at the bay, that's where our father's ashes are, so we can say a little prayer in the sunshine.

Here's the pitfall - our visit will involve eating and drinking. What do I want more? An indulgent weekend? Or, a healthy weigh in? Well of COURSE the obvious answer is that I want BOTH. But my body absorbs rich food like a sponge. All I can do is ask myself these questions with every bite and sip. Thankfully, I'll be on the same time zone, so getting up to work out before work won't feel like I've got lead weights attached to my eyeballs. I'll meet you back here on Tuesday with a full report, but no weigh in. Wish me luck! No, don't. I know what to do.